I may be only speaking to a selected audience with this blog post, but if you're like me you were a student athlete (high school, college, etc). For me in particular it went all the way through college. For those who don't know I played soccer at the University of North Texas. Go Mean Green.
Athlete. A word that has defined me for as long as I can remember. An identity I proudly associated with my entire life. For most of that time it was soccer. I lived and breathed soccer (insert your sport here). My life literally revolved around soccer. Practices for school followed by practices for club then playing all weekend and most weekends. Eat. Sleep. Soccer. I loved it. I couldn't get enough. I was obsessed. I spend day in and day out running, practicing, juggling, getting extra touches on the ball, anything soccer related until it got so dark in my parents backyard I couldn't see the soccer ball anymore. These such habits is how I found myself playing division one college soccer for the greatest (in my opinion) university in the world! Now being a college student athlete is a whole new world. Some good and some bad. There are a lot of good things that stemmed from sports. (other than being spoiled) Sports teaches us to be respectful, disciplined, and strong. I could go on for days about the positives that come from sports. But I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for soccer. I learned how to work hard and push myself past limits both mentally and physically. All these things became engrained in my mind and in my character. But the bad... O the bad. The bad is that you have to sacrifice going to football games, homecomings, social events, parties, and basically having an actual life. But we got to play soccer so we didn't really care about all that. The actual bad is something that's hard to talk about even to this day. 4 years later. The bad is when you hear the final whistle blow of your very last game as a senior and you're left wondering where time went, what you would do without soccer, and the scariest thought ever imaginable- who will I become without soccer. (or insert your sport here)
Now if you've ever been to college you know you had to take a lot of classes. Some classes were ridiculous and pointless. Some are for your major that you probably never even ended up using anyway. But no one ever seemed to think that it was important to offer a class to athletes about what the hell they're going to do after their athletic career ended? No one? Im not talking about life after graduation... Im talking about when your whole identity as a human being ENDS. The identity you've associated with since you were 5 years old. Whether by choice or abruptly from an injury. What comes next? I had no idea. and I know many athletes like me didn't either. Ok so we go get jobs somewhere to pay the bills. Cool. That's the easy part. But when I'm sitting at that desk for 8 hours then go home to sit and wonder "who the hell am I?" If I'm not an athlete anymore than what am I? What purpose do I serve? I don't even know who I am anymore. I didn't. For a long time this was a struggle. I tried pro soccer, I tried crossfit, I tried coaching, I tried teaching, I tried anything I could think of. I couldn't figure it out! There was still a sense of emptiness in my soul. During this time in my life I started dating my now husband whom I went to high school with... who helped me along this journey.
FAST FORWARD 2ish years... my husband (boyfriend at the time let the judging begin!!!) and I found out I was pregnant. Talk about SCARY. I lived in Palestine, Tx at the time where I coached soccer and taught at the high school and he lived back in our hometown so it made it even harder to be away from him (2 hours away). I had no idea what was going to happen in terms of was I going to be a good mom? what if I don't change his diaper right? I've never changed a diaper in my life ( well now I have). what if I suck at being a parent? What if's constantly darted through my mind.
But after Caden was born July 29th 2016 (almost 3 weeks early thank the lord I was so fat and miserable) I had the biggest epiphany of all. This is what I was made to do. Being a mom. That is my identity. That is my purpose. That is why I was put on this earth. All those years I thought my purpose was to play soccer and that I had no life after it. Gah I was dumb. I wrestled with the Lord at why my athletic career had to end, but this was why!! I couldn't see it until my sweet little baby boy was right in front of me in my arms. And yall.... I wouldn't trade this identity for anything in the world. Not for an extra game. Not for an extra year of eligibility. Not for a big soccer contract. Not for anything. This was it. All those years of searching and I finally found peace. Being a mom is the greatest life I could ever live and the greatest gift I've ever been given. I will forever cherish it!
Some of you may still be searching for your new identity after your "Athlete" identity expires, but I'm here to tell you your new identity is out there and it is the greatest identity you'll ever have. Whatever yours may look like! It may only take days, but it may takes years (like me) to figure it out. Our years as athletes is nothing to look back on in bitterness, but in gratitude to be in that small group of people who are able to say they did it! We not only walked across that stage, but graduated from that awesome sports program who molded us into the people we are today! Not to mention those awesome friends you made along the way.
Athlete. A word that has defined me for as long as I can remember. An identity I proudly associated with my entire life. For most of that time it was soccer. I lived and breathed soccer (insert your sport here). My life literally revolved around soccer. Practices for school followed by practices for club then playing all weekend and most weekends. Eat. Sleep. Soccer. I loved it. I couldn't get enough. I was obsessed. I spend day in and day out running, practicing, juggling, getting extra touches on the ball, anything soccer related until it got so dark in my parents backyard I couldn't see the soccer ball anymore. These such habits is how I found myself playing division one college soccer for the greatest (in my opinion) university in the world! Now being a college student athlete is a whole new world. Some good and some bad. There are a lot of good things that stemmed from sports. (other than being spoiled) Sports teaches us to be respectful, disciplined, and strong. I could go on for days about the positives that come from sports. But I know I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for soccer. I learned how to work hard and push myself past limits both mentally and physically. All these things became engrained in my mind and in my character. But the bad... O the bad. The bad is that you have to sacrifice going to football games, homecomings, social events, parties, and basically having an actual life. But we got to play soccer so we didn't really care about all that. The actual bad is something that's hard to talk about even to this day. 4 years later. The bad is when you hear the final whistle blow of your very last game as a senior and you're left wondering where time went, what you would do without soccer, and the scariest thought ever imaginable- who will I become without soccer. (or insert your sport here)
FAST FORWARD 2ish years... my husband (boyfriend at the time let the judging begin!!!) and I found out I was pregnant. Talk about SCARY. I lived in Palestine, Tx at the time where I coached soccer and taught at the high school and he lived back in our hometown so it made it even harder to be away from him (2 hours away). I had no idea what was going to happen in terms of was I going to be a good mom? what if I don't change his diaper right? I've never changed a diaper in my life ( well now I have). what if I suck at being a parent? What if's constantly darted through my mind.
But after Caden was born July 29th 2016 (almost 3 weeks early thank the lord I was so fat and miserable) I had the biggest epiphany of all. This is what I was made to do. Being a mom. That is my identity. That is my purpose. That is why I was put on this earth. All those years I thought my purpose was to play soccer and that I had no life after it. Gah I was dumb. I wrestled with the Lord at why my athletic career had to end, but this was why!! I couldn't see it until my sweet little baby boy was right in front of me in my arms. And yall.... I wouldn't trade this identity for anything in the world. Not for an extra game. Not for an extra year of eligibility. Not for a big soccer contract. Not for anything. This was it. All those years of searching and I finally found peace. Being a mom is the greatest life I could ever live and the greatest gift I've ever been given. I will forever cherish it!
Some of you may still be searching for your new identity after your "Athlete" identity expires, but I'm here to tell you your new identity is out there and it is the greatest identity you'll ever have. Whatever yours may look like! It may only take days, but it may takes years (like me) to figure it out. Our years as athletes is nothing to look back on in bitterness, but in gratitude to be in that small group of people who are able to say they did it! We not only walked across that stage, but graduated from that awesome sports program who molded us into the people we are today! Not to mention those awesome friends you made along the way.
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