I remember the first time I tried to run postpartum. It hurt. Not just physically, but mentally/emotionally. I was never bad at running. In fact, at any given point in time growing up I was always considered a great runner. BUT In that point in time on that treadmill I felt as if I had never ran before in my life.
“Why are my legs not working?”
“Why does my body feel like this?”
I distinctly remember holding onto the side safety bars of the treadmill for dear life.
“What is happening to me?”
When I tried to let go, I thought I was going to fall right on my face. So I held on the entire time I ran. (And slightly cried)
I only ran 1 mile because I wanted to start off slow and build my stamina back up. But that 1 mile felt like eternity.. And to be honest, looking back now I’m not sure if I even finished the whole mile. (Pregnancy brain actually gets worse postpartum)
I was so frustrated. My body jiggled in places that didn’t use to. My feet hurt in ways I never experienced in the past. And my confidence was at its lowest point in my life.
I came to a point where I just KNEW I was never going to lose that weight. Out of anger, I gave away most of my clothes that I swore were never going to fit again.
I gave up on myself.
But every time I looked at that sweet little baby I knew I needed to be stronger than that. I needed to be better.
“But how”
I needed to be the kind of mother that I knew my whole life. A strong, determined, and tenacious mother. And although I swore up and down for years I would NEVER be like my own mom. In that moment, and every moment after, I found myself striving to become just that.
I kept going. I hopped on the treadmill and picked up those weights any chance I could. If the weather was nice, I strapped Caden in the stroller and we took off on a run. Nap times became my workout/run time and I chipped and chiseled at my goals slowly- a little bit at a time.
It’s hard. Don’t give up.. and if you do, get back up and try again. Be persistent. Be relentless. Be a mom.
Don’t just do it for everyone else.
Do it for you.
Prove it to yourself.
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